I am a 14 year old male. I am gay, but I have told no one….

…I’m extremely scared to tell my parents or friends, in fear of rejection, or even being kicked out of the house, verbal abuse, etc. I am also wanting to create something safe for my body that I can use for anal masturbation, but I’m also worried about accidentally harming myself. I’ve lied on medical papers, marking them to say I’m straight in fear of my parents finding out I’m gay. What should I do?


Thank you for asking this. We want to address all of your questions one by one.

First, know that you are absolutely not the only person dealing with this. Also, know there is nothing wrong with your sexuality. Who we like/are attracted to is part of what makes us who we are, and that is great!

We understand that dealing with sexuality can feel scary and intimidating, especially if you feel like you have no one you can talk to.  Try thinking about someone you could confide in or talk to, someone you can trust.  That could be a friend, a trusted adult, or a sibling, etc. Try talking to that trusted person and see how it feels. This may give you confidence to talk to others.  It is likely that the people who love you like your friends and family want what is best for you!  We do understand however, that in some cases, a person may not feel safe telling information like this to certain people.  If this is the case, perhaps consider telling a counselor, prevention interventionist, or a teacher at your school.  Those adults are there to help and support you.

If you live in the Boulder area, there is an organization called OASOS, they are a support group for LGBTQI youth.  You can find more information about them at https://www.bouldercounty.org/families/lgbtiq/oasos/ or call them at 303-579-2676.

If you don’t live in the Boulder area, this is another great resource: : https://www.glaad.org/resourcelist

If your school has a GSA (Gay straight alliance) perhaps reach out to people in that group to see how you can get support. Just know that there are people out there to help and support you.

In terms of when you visit the doctor, it is important to be honest on medical history forms.  The reason that these forms ask for sexuality information is just to better serve you and take care of you.  If you live in Colorado, it is a law that teens can access sexual health services without the permission/notification of their parent/guardian. Alternatively, even if your parent/guardian is present, you have the right to keep your medical information just between you and your doctor.  If you do not live in Colorado, you can visit https://sexetc.org/ to find out your rights in your own state.

Regarding masturbation, it is completely healthy for people to explore masturbation. As long as it is not hurting you or anyone else and it is not inferring with other aspects of your life, it can be a healthy activity that is low risk for things like sexually transmitted infections.  It is important to know that you should not put just any items into the anus. There are sex toys that are designed specifically for anal play, and if someone wants to use a sex toy it is important to use these. This is because anal sex toys have a flared base, and that is important because the muscles in the anus squeeze involuntarily, which can pull objects into the anus. So if someone uses an item that does not have a flared base, it could potentially end with a trip to the doctor to have it removed.

If someone does not have access to sex toys, they could start with using things like fingers. Finger stimulation can potentially provide plenty of pleasure, but make sure to wash your hands, and use plenty of lubrication (the anus does not self-lubricate).  You can buy lubrication over the counter, or usually can get some for free at health clinics.  A person should start slow, and can add more fingers if they want to.  They may want to make sure to trim their nails, and wear gloves or a condom on their fingers to prevent any infections or tears.

If you do live in Boulder and want to make an appointment at our Teen Clinic to further discuss any of these things you can call us at 303-442-5160, or you can walk in to pick up things like condoms or lubrication.

Please know you are not the first person to ask these questions, and you will not be the last! We hope this has helped.