Archive for sexuality

Hi, I’ve been thinking about my sexuality recently…

…I have dreams where I want to be romantically and sexually with a girl. I like all parts of female anatomy and would feel comfortable being intimate with a woman. I consider myself straight yet I’m repulsed by male genitalia? Is this normal?

Thanks for asking this!

Who we like, what we find attractive, or what turns us on is very personal and part of what makes us unique! Attraction can be emotional, physical and/or visual.

Sexuality is complicated, and can be confusing!  A person’s sexuality can even change over time.  At Teen Clinic, we encourage youth to define their sexuality however they like. If putting a label on who you’re attracted to is something you want to do, you can do that using common terms (there are many!), or you can even make one up! Just know that there is no right or wrong way to identify – even if that means that you choose not to put a label on it!

Some people may be romantically or sexually attracted to a gender, but that doesn’t necessarily mean they want to be sexually active with that gender. Emotional, physical, and romantic attraction don’t have to align, and they can fluctuate, or be on a spectrum.   There aren’t any rules when it comes to sexuality, and you can do whatever you feel most comfortable with.

Think about whether a sexual label will be helpful to you.  Because sexuality can fluctuate throughout life, your feelings may fit a label clearly one year and not the next. On the other hand, identifying as something can help connect you to friends, communities and resources who will help you explore your feelings in a positive, healthy way.

If you want to learn more about this, here is a great resource that discusses sexuality : http://www.transstudent.org/gender

If you want more resources, and live in the Boulder area consider checking out local groups like Out Boulder, where you can meet others in your shoes and learn more about sexuality in general.

I’m a queer girl, and in my school we have no queer sex ed….

…..During sex/sexual activities, would my girlfriend and/or I have to wear protection against STIs?

Thanks for asking this!

Lets talk a little bit about STIsSTIs can be a very real risk for people if they are engaging in certain types of sexual contact. It’s good to know that when it comes to STIs they are transmitted through..

  • Sexual Fluids (Semen and Vaginal fluids)
  • Skin to skin contact (or genital to genital contact)
  • Breast milk
  • Vaginal birth

In order for someone to contract an STI, they would need to engage in sexual activity with a person who already has an STI in which one or more of these modes would come into play.

So, STIs are a risk regardless of what kind of sex is occurring. Here are some ways to help reduce the risk:

If people are engaging in digital (or finger) play, they can use gloves to help reduce the risk of any infections.

Using dental dams during oral sex on either the vagina or anus can help reduce the risk of STIs being transmitted to and from the mouth and throat. If people don’t have access to dental dams, they can cut a condom open flat and it’s just as effective.

If sex toys are being used, an option is to put condoms on the sex toy and change the condoms in between partners and/or in between each sexual activity.  Or, thoroughly washing the sex toy in between.

Also as a general rule, someone should never reuse a barrier method like a glove, dental dam, or condom.

Lastly, its a good idea for everyone involved to get tested. Not all STIs show symptoms, so getting tested can help partners be on the same page, and know what their risk is. Many partners come in together to get tested!

If you want to make an appointment to get tested, give us a call at 303-442-5160. You can also walk in to pick up condoms, lube, and dental dams.

 

Hi, I think I’m bi but in a way of sexually…

………. like I’m a guy and I like girls in a relationship and sexual way but I could never see myself with a guy in a relationship. But I fantasize about having sex with guys.

 

Thanks for asking this!

Who we like, what we find attractive, or what turns us on is very personal and part of what makes us unique! Attraction can be emotional, physical and/or visual.

Sexuality is complicated, and can be confusing!  A person’s sexuality can even change over time.  At Teen Clinic, we encourage youth to define their sexuality however they like. If putting a label on who you’re attracted to is something you want to do, you can do that using common terms (there are many!), or you can even make one up! Just know that there is no right or wrong way to identify – even if that means that you choose not to put a label on it!

If you’re feeling confused about your sexuality, consider asking yourself: Who am I attracted to? Who am I sexually active with?  How might I identify (or choose not to identify) myself?

It is absolutely possible to be physically attracted to some genders, but not emotionally attracted to them, and vice versa.  Emotional, physical, and romantic attraction don’t have to align, and they can fluctuate, or be on a spectrum. So what you are feeling or experiencing is completely normal!

Think about whether a sexual label will be helpful to you.  Because sexuality can fluctuate throughout life, your feelings may fit a label clearly one year and not the next. On the other hand, identifying as something can help connect you to friends, communities and resources who will help you explore your feelings in a positive, healthy way.

If you want to learn more about this, here is a great resource that breaks it all down: http://www.transstudent.org/gender

If you want more resources, and live in the Boulder area consider checking out local groups like OASOS and Out Boulder, where you can meet others in your shoes and learn more about sexuality in general.

 

I am a 14 year old male. I am gay, but I have told no one….

…I’m extremely scared to tell my parents or friends, in fear of rejection, or even being kicked out of the house, verbal abuse, etc. I am also wanting to create something safe for my body that I can use for anal masturbation, but I’m also worried about accidentally harming myself. I’ve lied on medical papers, marking them to say I’m straight in fear of my parents finding out I’m gay. What should I do?

 

Thank you for asking this. We want to address all of your questions one by one.

First, know that you are absolutely not the only person dealing with this. Also, know there is nothing wrong with your sexuality. Who we like/are attracted to is part of what makes us who we are, and that is great!

We understand that dealing with sexuality can feel scary and intimidating, especially if you feel like you have no one you can talk to.  Try thinking about someone you could confide in or talk to, someone you can trust.  That could be a friend, a trusted adult, or a sibling, etc. Try talking to that trusted person and see how it feels. This may give you confidence to talk to others.  It is likely that the people who love you like your friends and family want what is best for you!  We do understand however, that in some cases, a person may not feel safe telling information like this to certain people.  If this is the case, perhaps consider telling a counselor, prevention interventionist, or a teacher at your school.  Those adults are there to help and support you.

If you live in the Boulder area, there is an organization called OASOS, they are a support group for LGBTQI youth.  You can find more information about them at https://www.bouldercounty.org/families/lgbtiq/oasos/ or call them at 303-579-2676.

If you don’t live in the Boulder area, this is another great resource: : https://www.glaad.org/resourcelist

If your school has a GSA (Gay straight alliance) perhaps reach out to people in that group to see how you can get support. Just know that there are people out there to help and support you.

In terms of when you visit the doctor, it is important to be honest on medical history forms.  The reason that these forms ask for sexuality information is just to better serve you and take care of you.  If you live in Colorado, it is a law that teens can access sexual health services without the permission/notification of their parent/guardian. Alternatively, even if your parent/guardian is present, you have the right to keep your medical information just between you and your doctor.  If you do not live in Colorado, you can visit https://sexetc.org/ to find out your rights in your own state.

Regarding masturbation, it is completely healthy for people to explore masturbation. As long as it is not hurting you or anyone else and it is not inferring with other aspects of your life, it can be a healthy activity that is low risk for things like sexually transmitted infections.  It is important to know that you should not put just any items into the anus. There are sex toys that are designed specifically for anal play, and if someone wants to use a sex toy it is important to use these. This is because anal sex toys have a flared base, and that is important because the muscles in the anus squeeze involuntarily, which can pull objects into the anus. So if someone uses an item that does not have a flared base, it could potentially end with a trip to the doctor to have it removed.

If someone does not have access to sex toys, they could start with using things like fingers. Finger stimulation can potentially provide plenty of pleasure, but make sure to wash your hands, and use plenty of lubrication (the anus does not self-lubricate).  You can buy lubrication over the counter, or usually can get some for free at health clinics.  A person should start slow, and can add more fingers if they want to.  They may want to make sure to trim their nails, and wear gloves or a condom on their fingers to prevent any infections or tears.

If you do live in Boulder and want to make an appointment at our Teen Clinic to further discuss any of these things you can call us at 303-442-5160, or you can walk in to pick up things like condoms or lubrication.

Please know you are not the first person to ask these questions, and you will not be the last! We hope this has helped.

How can I completely figure out my sexuality?

Who we like, what we find attractive, or what turns us on is very personal and part of what makes us unique! Attraction can be emotional, physical and/or visual.

Sexuality is complicated, and can be confusing!  A person’s sexuality can even change over time.  At Teen Clinic, we encourage youth to define their sexuality however they like. If putting a label on who you’re attracted to is something you want to do, you can do that using common terms (there are many!), or you can even make one up! Just know that there is no right or wrong way to identify – even if that means that you choose not to put a label on it!

If you’re feeling confused about your sexuality, consider asking yourself: Who am I attracted to? Who am I sexually active with?  How might I identify (or choose not to identify) myself?

Think about whether a sexual label will be helpful to you.  Because sexuality can fluctuate throughout life, your feelings may fit a label clearly one year and not the next. On the other hand, identifying as something can help connect you to friends, communities and resources who will help you explore your feelings in a positive, healthy way.  Consider checking out local groups like OASOS and Out Boulder, where you can meet others in your shoes and learn more about sexuality in general.

Just know that it isn’t something you have to figure out right away, and that is totally okay.  Try not to let yourself feel isolated because there are many people that are asking questions just like this one, and there are lots of people who are here to support you.

 

I think I’m bisexual but I’m not sure. What do I do?

Who we like, what we find attractive, or what turns us on is very personal and part of what makes us unique! Attraction can be emotional, physical and/or visual.

Sexuality is complicated, and can be confusing!  A person’s sexuality can even change over time.  At Teen Clinic, we encourage youth to define their sexuality however they like. If putting a label on who you’re attracted to is something you want to do, you can do that using common terms (there are many!), or you can even make one up! Just know that there is no right or wrong way to identify – even if that means that you choose not to put a label on it!

If you’re feeling confused about your sexuality, consider asking yourself: Who am I attracted to? Who am I sexually active with?  How might I identify (or choose not to identify) myself?

For some people, the answers to these questions will all point in the same direction.  A person may be attracted to the opposite sex, be sexually active with the opposite sex, and identify as straight.  For others, however, the answer may be more complicated.  A person may be attracted to multiple sexes, but sexually active with one only sex.  Whether this person identifies as gay, straight, bisexual, queer, or as something else is totally up to them.

Think about whether a sexual label will be helpful to you.  Because sexuality can fluctuate throughout life, your feelings may fit a label clearly one year and not the next. On the other hand, identifying as bi (or Questioning) can help connect you to friends, communities and resources who will help you explore your feelings in a positive, healthy way.  Consider checking out local groups like OASOS and Out Boulder, where you can meet others in your shoes and learn more about sexuality in general.

Whatever you do, don’t let yourself feel isolated! There are lots of other youth asking the same questions you are, and lots of adults who want to support you.

I think I’m bisexual, but I’m not sure. I might be attracted to this girl…

… who is in three of my classes but I’m not sure. I also have this really big crush on a boy who is in one of my other classes. Do you know how I can tell if I am bisexual?

What turns us on, or what we find attractive is very personal and part of what makes us unique! Attraction can be emotional, physical and/or visual.

It sounds like when you interact with the girl in your classes, it’s very pleasing and attractive to you, and when you interact with the boy in your other classes, you feel the same way – and that’s totally okay and healthy!

During adolescence, our bodies change and we begin to figure out what we find attractive. This is a healthy and completely normal process to go through!

Sexuality is complicated, and can be confusing!  A person’s sexuality can even change over time.  At Teen Clinic, we encourage youth to define their sexuality however they like. If putting a label on who you’re attracted to is something you want to do, you can do that using common terms (there are many!), or you can even make one up! Just know that there is no right or wrong way to identify – even if that means that you choose not to put a label on it!

If you’re feeling confused about your sexuality, consider asking yourself: Who am I attracted to? Who am I sexually active with?  How might I identify (or choose not to identify) myself?

For some people, the answers to these questions will all point in the same direction.  A person may be attracted to the opposite sex, be sexually active with the opposite sex, and identify as straight.  For others, however, the answer may be more complicated.  A person may be attracted to both sexes, but sexually active with one only sex.  Whether this person identifies as gay, straight, bisexual, queer, or as something else is totally up to them.

People who identify as bisexual are generally either attracted to both sexes, sexually active with both sexes, or both of these.

Think about whether a sexual label will be helpful to you.  Because sexuality can fluctuate throughout life, your feelings may fit a label clearly one year and not the next. On the other hand, identifying as bi (or Questioning) can help connect you to friends, communities and resources who will help you explore your feelings in a positive, healthy way Consider checking out local groups like OASOS and Out Boulder, where you can meet others in your shoes and learn more about sexuality in general.

Whatever you do, don’t let yourself feel isolated! There are lots of other youth asking the same questions you are, and lots of adults who want to support you.